Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
