I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
