i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize