if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
