i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
