Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
