He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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