she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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