Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
