i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
