how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
