Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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