For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
