Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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