where does the pee come out of this thing
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
