If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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