he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
