My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize