I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
