Ketchup is God's man juice
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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