don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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