can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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