Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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