You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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