my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize