just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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