Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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