help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
