I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
