girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
