I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
