Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
