I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
