i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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