You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
