The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
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Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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