is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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