its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
