The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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