i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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