you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize