wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
