i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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