your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
