I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my shit smells like andre
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
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Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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