R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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