The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
either way he was missing a nipple.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
