I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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