Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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