the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
