I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
