I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We need to get me chipped asap
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
