we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
