I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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