I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
