so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was CRYING into my vagina
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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