well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
