Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
