That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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