i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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