I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
