Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't turn off my feet"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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