So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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