your parents love me but you hate me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
