were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
