You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
