holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
